Family Mediation

Post image for Has New York’s No-Fault Provision Increased the Divorce Rate?

The NY Post recently reported that since the new no-fault divorce provision took effect, divorce filings in New York State have increased 12%. Some people are pointing to this as an indication that no-fault laws make people more inclined to divorce. This isn’t necessarily true.

An important factor in the fluctuations in divorce filings may be the economy. Many divorces were put on hold when the recession hit. As confidence in the economy began to improve, those who waited to get divorced for financial reasons finally felt they were ready to file. A University of Oklahoma study conducted back in 1998 also found that a state’s no-fault laws impacted the rate of divorce filings.  However, the study went on to show that in those no-fault states where the rates of divorce had increased, the increases were significantly linked to gains in family income, showing that as a family has more money to spend, separation and divorce becomes more possible.

Where To Point the Finger?

I believe, as the Oklahoma study points out, a variety of factors come into play when a couple decides to postpone or give the green light to filing for divorce.  I’ve spoken to numerous couples who stated, for example, that given the New York City real estate market, they couldn’t afford to divorce and sell their property so had to wait until the market turned around.  Others say that they simply can’t afford the cost of childcare and two New York City apartments, so they’ll tough it out until rental rates drop or their incomes increase so as to permit one of them to move out. And many couples chose to stay married, although separated, simply so that one spouse can maintain healthcare coverage under the other’s company family health plan.

Just prior to the very recent economic shakeup in Washington, Americans were sensing a mild improvement in the economy and confidence in the market was improving.  Some suspect that couples were beginning to feel financially safe enough to make the move towards separation or divorce.  Coincidentally, the recent changes to the New York Domestic Relations Law passed in October 2010 law providing for no-fault divorce also make divorce more accessible and more affordable for many couples. By allowing couples to choose no-fault or ‘irreconcilable differences’ as the grounds for their divorce, there’s no longer any need to debate or prove grounds such as adultery, abuse or abandonment, which used to consume a significant portion of a lawyers’ time. Any divorce attorney will tell you that he or she spent hours prior to this change in the law wading through the various options for grounds for divorce, passing the tissues as they extracted the information from the clients, trying to construct a well-organized complaint that would be legally sufficient. If the issue went to trial to prove the grounds for divorce, it was extremely costly. Couples who found divorce too expensive in the past now have an option that is a little more streamlined and budget-friendly.

The recent change to the New York statute providing for legal fees has also made it more possible for spouses of lesser means to take the initiative to file a petition.  Under the new law, the spouse making substantially more money may be required to shoulder the cost, or a portion of the cost, of the divorce.  The intention is to make sure that the lesser earning spouse does not stay trapped in a bad marriage just because he or she can’t afford to file for divorce, and to ensure that both parties have access to competent legal counsel or mediation.

There are always a multitude of reasons why a couple decides to divorce and it’s unlikely a change in the law actually encourages people to go out and get a divorce if it wasn’t something they were already considering.

What’s your take on the recent increases in the divorce rate?

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Post image for Standoff on the Debt Ceiling:  Is There a Mediator in the House, Please?

 

As Congress misses its deadline once again for an agreement to raise the debt ceiling, shattering the confidence of even the most cynical of economic analysts, we have to wonder why the White House has not considered using a different strategy to settle this impasse: Mediation.  The recent debate in Washington about the debt ceiling and the budget have offered a window into the importance of mediation, says a recent article in the Pittsbugh BusinessTimes. The article makes some good points about how mediation could help move the process along quickly toward resolution.  As anyone who’s been involved in an intense family, business or neighborhood conflict knows, mediators can be highly successful in getting the parties to focus on the heart of the problem, and helping them brainstorm creatively about solutions in order to achieve a ‘win-win’ agreement.  Let’s take a quick look at how a mediator could be helpful in the White House as the clock is ticking ever closer to the August 2nd budget deadline.

Mediation Resolves Disputes Quickly

There’s no argument that, when it comes to the current budget crisis and the bill under consideration to raise the debt ceiling, time is of the essence.  And mediation is always the speediest way to help parties cut through the posturing, the politics and saber-rattling, to reach an agreement that will stick. Waiting to go to court often takes months. Mediation, on the other hand is an immediate solution that allows the parties to sit down quickly and start to find solutions before the problem becomes larger. The debt ceiling is a pressing problem, and one that needs to be resolved quickly, something mediation could handily do.

Mediation Helps Parties Problem-Solve More Creatively

The debt ceiling has proven to be a persistent point of contention and the parties continue to circle around the same topics and offer up the same solutions. In disputes like this, a mediator can often step in and help the parties think about the problems in new ways. Mediators don’t offer solutions, but they do guide the parties to look at the problem in a new way, thereby helping them develop alternative solutions. Having a non-invested, neutral third party in the room can change the tone of the conversation and make it more productive, thoughtful, and creative.

Mediation Keeps the Debate Focused

It is also important to remember that a mediator does, in fact, mediate.  That is, a mediator’s job is to keep the conversation on point and on target. In family mediation, elder care mediation, and business mediation, parties have a tendency to wander and to pull in topics, situations, and associated problems that are not helpful in resolving the issue on the table. A mediator guides the talks in a focused way, moving the parties from point to point, helping them move towards solutions and also helping them see the interrelation between the problems at hand so they can be solved in a cohesive manner.

Mediation is Private and Positive

The mediation room is a positive space, where parties are not allowed to speak harshly and posturing is discouraged. Mediators work to keep parties focused on constructive conflict resolution rather than rehashing the past. In addition, mediation is a more private process, where parties are urged to keep the issues in the room – unlike the talks in Washington, which take place very much in the public eye (or at least are reported to the public after the fact). The privacy of the process can be helpful in resolving sensitive and complex conflicts where multiple agendas are at stake.  By allowing parties to lay their cards on the table honestly and openly, they can ‘cut to the chase’ more quickly if they are not having to worry about the  public perception of each position and argument presented.

Mediation offers a multitude of benefits for settling conflicts – from marital squabbles, inter-family conflicts, business problems, to cross-border disputes.  Maybe it’s time that the lawmakers in Washington try a new approach to ending the deadlock on the debt ceiling debate and bring a neutral into the room to help them move swiftly toward resolution.

 

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Divorce Mediation and the Gen X Family

by Petra Maxwell on July 20, 2011

 

A  recent Wall Street Journal piece focused on Gen Xers (born between 1965 and 1980) and divorce.  As the author points out, this is the generation defined by divorce: nearly half of Gen Xers grew up in split households, and roughly 40% were latch-key kids. It’s no wonder, then, that  Gen Xers, now married with their own families, are more determined than ever to get it right.

Learning From the Past, in Marriage and Divorce

Contrary to popular belief, children of divorced households aren’t necessarily headed for a failed marriage themselves.  The article points out that, for the first time in over two decades, the divorce rate has dipped.  Recent census data shows that the early wave of Gen Xers married in the early 1990’s have stayed married past the 10-year mark.  Gen Xers are loathe to put their kids through what they themselves have endured as neglected children, shuttled from household to household. But divorce still happens.  Gen Xers, like their parents, lead complicated, dual career lives that present multiple challenges when trying to navigate around the competing demands of jobs and kids. When the marriage breaks down, the Gen X couple, who themselves suffered the pain and emptiness of divorce, is again determined to “get it right”.

For Gen Xers, Mediation Makes for Better Co-Parenting

This generation that has a laser focus on its own children is very attuned to the effect of divorce on kids because they themselves lived through it.  More and more, Gen Xers are turning to mediation to negotiate their separation and divorce to help reduce the negative impact of the transition on their kids. That’s good news for the children since a University of Virginia study has shown that divorce mediation does what mediators have long been saying it does – it fosters better communication between the parents, allowing them to stay actively engaged in their kids’ lives as parents co-parents.  (Also read our previous article, Divorce Mediation Makes Better Parents).

Create A Parenting Plan!

If you’re a Gen Xer (and even if you’re not), you want mediation to help you lay the groundwork for cooperative co-parenting, so that you can continue to give your kids a grounded and balanced childhood, even if they have two homes. We are experienced at working with parents who lead complex lives – professional moms and dads with multiple kids and complicated parenting arrangements – and we understand your interest in making sure that your children go on to lead healthy, secure and balanced lives with continued access and support from both parents, despite your break-up.  Contact us for information on how we can help you create (or revise) a co-parenting plan that will help you ‘get it right’ so you can remain actively involved parents for your kids.

 

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