Getting the Most Out of Your Mediation: Do the Homework!

by Petra Maxwell on March 9, 2011

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When you sign up for mediation, you might not expect to be given homework.  But homework is an essential part of most effective divorce, custody, or senior care mediations.

What Kind of Homework Should You Expect

Mediators often ask clients to take the time between sessions to think about the issues still to be decided and to generate possible solutions. Your mediator will usually prompt you to try to think about the topic in a way you never have before. For example, if you’re mediating a custody dispute your mediator might suggest you pretend to be your child and come up with solutions he or she might think of. Your mediator may also ask you to gather information from different sources, such as appraisals from real estate brokers or account information from investment advisors. In a senior care mediation, your mediator might suggest you make some phone calls and talk with some visiting nurses, elder care managers, or assisted living facilities. You may also be asked to do some organizational work—gathering records and documents and organizing them or creating a summary that can then be used in the next mediation session.

Why You Should Do Your Homework

If your mediator asks you to think about some issues, generate possible solutions, or gather records between mediation sessions it’s usually so that when you meet again everyone will have made some progress. Homework saves you time (and money) in mediation. Going home and spending some time thinking about the issues and possible solutions lets your mind slowly work through things in a way you cannot in a one-hour session. In the days or weeks between your sessions, you have time to let your active and subconscious mind process everything that was discussed in session and internalize it. This moves you closer to a solution. Gathering information or documents allows you to bring something new to the next session so there are more items to discuss.

How to Get the Most Out of Your Homework

If you approach your homework as something you just need to check off your list, you aren’t getting the complete benefit of it. This isn’t like math homework in high school where you just needed to scribble some answers down on paper to show the teacher you did something. Homework is intended to benefit you. You aren’t doing it for your mediator. You’re doing it for yourself. You committed to mediation and you want it to help you reach an equitable resolution. The only way to do that is to devote time and energy to the process—which means taking the homework seriously.  As you gather your information, think about how it can benefit the settlement process.  Begin to think about creative ways for how you might be able to give and take as a way to reach a fair agreement.

Mediation homework is an integral part of the process and giving it the time and attention it needs will help move your mediation case along more quickly and get you to a mutually agreeable solution as fast as possible.

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